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Making Me A "Believe"r

Making me a "BELIEVE"R

By: Elaine Del Valle

I have been performing my autobiographical 90 minute solo play for about four years now.  In that time it went from winning small festivals to rave reviews, regionally and then off Broadway.  When the New York Times called it a "Triumph", there was a certain confidence that washed over me and made theatre's little pay feel like I had banked millions over.

There is no argument that the story of "Brownsville Bred" is that of a Latina coming of age.  There have been many a non-believer...those that felt "how could any other audience get it?" or the better question for those artistic directors and theatre decision makers "How can I get my (non-hispanic) audience to want to be in those theatre seats?"

Those artistic believers, who went onward and with bravery into full productions, I thank them and am so proud to say, they never lost a dime and more than money...they expressed a great accomplishment, and pride in the faith that they put in both the play and their audiences.

Those producers and audiences were believers.  They believed that every human being has a sense of struggle with their past, with their circumstances, with their environment...They conquer and they laugh.  They want to be happy and they want to root for success.  People who thought they knew me saw the play and felt "I've never really known you at all?", while those who had never met me felt as if they had known me for their entire lives.

After thinking I had seen them all, then came school performances.

The play, based on my childhood has reaped many rewards but none more than in its performances within schools.

It was never my idea.  It started with teaching professionals who found their way to my play as avid theatre goers but later felt compelled to share it with their students... The students that had much in common with the humble beginnings of this Brownsville Brooklyn born Hispanic ghetto girl as well as the students who thought that they'd have nothing in common with her and yet found so much.  

Environment, relationships, challenges and growth exist in every human circumstance, and finding this common ground find us all in a wonderful place...one where all teens, and adults of all ages strive to be...a place of... belonging.

There has never been a school that I did not enjoy performing at. A large audience at New York City LaGuardia High School of the Performing Arts was one of the first.  They made for a loud and excited group in a theatre that was bigger than many Broadway houses...The Drama teacher invited me.  Before I took stage, she announced to her students "This is an example of doing it all...You can write it, you can perform it, you can produce it!"  Hearing those words before taking stage made the nerves that usually center in my heart quiet in comparison to the chills that coursed up and down my limbs.

There were kids of all backgrounds.  Teens who were already pursuing a career that I only started to dream  was possible in my early twenties...

At the end of the show, a standing ovation.  I have received many a standing O, but this one had a certain specialness that I cannot begin to explain.

Many other high schools and colleges have come after that school...All of which have been absolutely the best moments of my career.

After one such other performance at the Ethnic Pen Annual Conference of the BayShore School District on BayShore Long Island, I thought "nothing could top this"...This because the district is one of a very few that falls in the middle of both a very affluent and a very poor community. It is a place where black and white and rich and poor gather, but understand quite clearly the divide that still exists. After the performance those kids seemed to feel united. It felt better than I had ever felt before.

Just after that performance, I was fielding invitations from other schools from both East and West of the city.  It seemed many other district personnel was in house to witness the student response. One such request came from a school called The North Side Charter BELIEVE School in Brooklyn.  BROOKLYN, the borough from where I came... I did not know what to expect, but I never expected what I got.

As I entered the building with my stage manager, we had to be escorted by security up to the office.  There was a young hispanic girl in tears.  Her mother spoke in my native "Spanglish" and asked the 15 year old, "Who taught you to kiss a boy?"  The threat of punishment and being transferred from the school all told and seemed wrapped in the clench of the Mother's fist holding back from the slap I thought inevitable.  As the Mom of a former teenager and playing a teenager on stage, I wanted to say "Human Nature...Stay.  Don't leave! Watch my show...with your daughter...and know that she has every opportunity in this great country and so do you!"

Getting to the auditorium stage for set up, I kept thinking about that one girl and her Mom.  Thinking she may be the only Latina in this school.  This play could really hit home for her.  The mother would see herself in my mothers character and she would feel her own importance.  Her anger would be replaced by confidence in her daughters abilities.  I wanted to shake it but I couldn't.

As the kids began arriving, from back stage I could only hear the chatter of the every day teen as I did my breathing exercises that precede my every performance.

In the first moments of my play, a 90 second film of the old neighborhood (Brownsville Brooklyn) plays with the scrolling definition of what Brownsville is according to Wikipedia.  The stats in bold typeface, are meant to hit home as the facts..the lack of expectation or faith.  In short it says everything that we are and nothing that we can be.  The film ends with my handwriting letter by letter, and spelling out, "But this is my story...I was Brownsville Bred and I will not be defined."  

I am usually backstage watching these words scroll and absorbing the relevance of being living proof that otherwise exists...But in the NorthSide Charter Believe School, it was different.  There I had the unique pleasure of listening to the kids all together, as if they were being orchestrated to do so...Their chatter turned to song.  They were singing the words to the popular spanish song that plays during my video. It occurred to me that most of them were Hispanic.  They all became that girl I wanted to be there front and center!

I was on emotional overload and the responsibility that usually washes over me before first step onto stage..The one to myself, my community and to the underdogs of the world that the show represents was replaced by a PRIDE that is usually earned at the end of the show...The kind that grows gradually throughout the performance...when you've had them laughing, crying and in complete silence...For the first time I was not feeling any pressure to earn that.  For the first time, I felt the benefit of the doubt...I was Home and I became a "Believe"r!

Later, I asked the head of athletics, who had invited me to perform at The NorthSide Charter Believe School, how she came to the earlier BayShore High School performance.  It was to my amazement that she said "No, I saw you a few years ago, at the Nuyorican Poets Cafe, while you were self producing.  I saw it twice there and it stayed with me!"

This will forever stay with me!

www.BrowsvilleBred.com

She's Back!

SHE’S BACK! by Elaine Del Valle

December 2011—

The Girl: “I know.  I want to live in Arizona... for the rest of my life! I love the weather. I love the pace of things. I just love it!  I am an adult, and I know. I want to go to school there... and I want to stay there.”

The Mom: "You are a New Yorker through and through…We might be able to jump in anywhere... but not many places can keep us jumping for joy like the thrilling ride that is our New York City."

But still, and against my better judgment
(that made me ache to call Rent-A-Center),
that new furniture I had just purchased
—y’know the kind that makes a little girls room into a young adults room—
that was all packed up, shoved into the container of a long haul truck and shipped along with all of her clothes, car and most cherished belongings, half way across the country and off to a nice two bedroom condo rental near Arizona State’s Tempe campus.

While she was away-- I painted her room…  I thought that it might give me some closure…Okay, I ended up needing to paint 9 rooms before I felt some form of closure upon me. We are talking paint brushes, ladders, and tape!... While listening to the Pandora stations of Adele and Elton John!…which by the way, have lots of songs that make you NEED to cry …On A LOOP!

As the paint smell left my walls, I got used to--the quiet.
Sleeping through the night without the house alarm going off as she came home every night... and every morning from the echo of her dropping her shaving cream in the shower.

“Sorry, Mom.”
And I knew she was
and so I never minded.

And,    

I managed

To
Get
Used To It...

and I even
got to
myself
in ways that I had forgotten.

Summer 2012-- 

A semester has gone by.  Facetime is giving me some face time with my girl. Actually more than I had with her when she was at home.  Whole conversations are had, and I get to hear all about how she had to drop calculus but passed all of her other classes with A's and B's. Job is in tact.  Wasn’t so in love with that condo area she chose to live in anymore though. Oh and broke up with her boyfriend. Not to mention the part where she is tired of the desert’s slow motion and the KICKER...
  

The Girl: “Mommy, I think…I need…I know…I want…TO COME HOME!”

The Mom: "I hate to say I told you so…OK I love to say I told you so! After all, the more I am right, the more you listen to my future advice…But YES...

PLEASE & THANK YOU, COME HOME!"

The Girl: "Oh and Mom, Y’know that dog that you told me not to get…the one that everyone in the house would be allergic to…"

Oh no she dit- int! 
Yeah, she did!

The Mom: "We will make arrangements. Uncle Danny will agree to take the dog."

The Girl: "I can’t live without the dog! I won’t live without the dog! She brings me happiness."

The Mom: "Then you will do all of those things that you did in Arizona...for yourself...here…You will get an apartment, a job and enroll in school."

Only this time-- I get to see her beautiful face(any)time...

And be able to hold my daughter in my arms!

"WELCOME HOME! YOU WILL ALWAYS BE WELCOMED HOME!"

Yesterday-- 

The Mom: "Y'know, the first of the month is coming and..."

The Girl:---REVISION--- The Young Adult: "I know, I already paid my rent."

The Mom: "You did?"

The Young Adult: "Yes, I had the money, so I just wanted to pay it.  I'm trying to be a responsible adult, and I got my dog spayed too."
The Mom: "You did."

The Young Adult/The Girl (again): "Uh, Yeah! I just gave all of my money to the vet so... can I borrow $200?"

The (PROUD AND HAPPY) Mom: "No, you can't...You can have it."

The Girl: "Okay, I'll be HOME after work, to drop off my laundry to you."

And this my friends is a very happy ending.

So far, anyway. Until next time...XOXOXO

WHAT HAPPENS IN VEGAS- LATINOS IN COLLEGE

My daughter's 21st Birthday... meant a weekend trip to Las Vegas!
I flew for 5 hours from NY while she drove for 5 hours from Arizona--An easy drive compared to the cross country road trip that bought her there just two months earlier.

The entire plane ride down I find strangers that I am bursting to share my joy with "It's my daughter's 21st birthday!"
Most of them respond, "I went to Vegas for my 21st".
I am shocked. Vegas is the kind of trip that I never dreamed of for my own 21st.  After all, by the time I was 21 my daughter was already 2.

Looking at the life that she has created for herself makes me so proud. Her bold choices, made possible by her confidence, and knowing that I always have her back.

Finally when I see her, it feels different...like she is my friend. I am starving, while she just ate...and still she wants to sit with me.  Like it's what she would rather do more than anything else.  And I feel fulfilled in a way that I cannot express...like she is someone I am just getting to know and like I respect her life as her life.

I can hear the maturity in her when she confides that she is very happy that she arrived to an away four year college with the experience of community college under her belt.  She is able to clearly see the immaturity of the younger women and their struggle to fit in.
She feels comfortable in who she is...A feeling I did not get to until I was 30--okay 37.

I was surprised and elated to hear that perhaps she misses home more than she expected to.

We marveled at Cirque Du Soleil Shows and I came to know that what happened in Vegas will not stay in Vegas, but instead with us forever.
And now suddenly all of our conversations have deeper meaning.  Even the texts that we exchange are ending in I LOVE YOU and THANK YOU (OMG).  Has someone taken my daughter's phone? Do I recognize this texter?

Oh yes. I think I do.  She is my Friend.  Someone I admire and respect. She is the girl I always wanted to be. She is my daughter. She is the future of me and the future of Latinas.

WHEN SHOPPING FOR POPTARTS ARE TRAUMATIC!- A DAUGHTER LEAVES FOR COLLEGE

A Daughter Leaves for College

By Elaine Del Valle- The Country Club Chica

It has been less than a month since the last time I held my daughter’s little face in my hands, but not a day has gone by that I do not think of her and exactly how she looked before she went away to college.

20 years of raising this girl and then poof, she is gone.

I suppose I am lucky that she accomplished her Associates degree locally and while living at home, before leaving to a 4 year out of state college.

Not that my daughter was home much at all. Her wings sprouted on the day I gave her the keys to the car.  When she wasn’t in school, she was mostly either working or with her boyfriend.  But somehow, I felt so BUMMED. So truly sad that I couldn’t see her face, visit her at work or just know that her shoes would be there (where they shouldn’t be) to drive me crazy.

Doing groceries for the first time after she had gone was TRAUMATIC!  I now cry at the sight of Strawberry Poptarts!

I have been having dreams of my puppy flying out of my window to chase flocks of geese, all the while I am screaming, “Come back, Come back. You don’t have wings.”

Now suddenly, I feel the need to purge: The need to tell her all of the life lessons that I learned through trials and tribulations.

On Love- To love is never a personal sacrifice; Never a compromise.  Loving should feel good.  If you do not like something about the person today than you’ll really hate it after you are married. If a man ever raises a hand to you—RUN, don’t walk! If they do it once, they’ll do it forever. 

On School- Don’t waste a credit.  Get through it and always look to your future. 

On Time- Time goes by quickly.  Look back to a time when you thought that you’d never get over what you were going through. That school year you felt would never be over, that first break up, when you felt like your skin was pulled off of your body and even the air hurt, and your heart would never mend. Realize that you have made it to the other side.  Consider all of your hardships as that. Never let them bring you down. Know that you will get over it.

On Girlfriends- I heard someone say “Ask a friend which dress you should wear and always wear the other one.”  Ask your mother what you should wear and trust that it is what looks best on you.

Your Mother is your best girlfriend.  She will never steer you wrong. Your success is her success.

On Partying- First and foremost, always be safe.  Bring a buddy and watch where you put your drinks.

On Drinking- DON’T DRINK AND DRIVE. Don’t be in a car whose driver has been drinking.

On Kids- Don’t have one until you are ready to forget about your own needs ENTIRELY. Diapers and feeding won’t be hard but it will be monotonous.  You will hunger for intelligent conversations and sleep. It’s this tiny little person you will fiercely protect in a way that you never thought possible.  You will crave for a dinner out with a “can’t wait to get away from the child for an hour” mentality, but later your need to get back won’t let you finish your dessert.

On Work- there should be a future in any position you take.  Whether it be owning the McDonalds you are currently flipping burgers for or running the firm whose mailroom you are just starting at…Always consider your positions a stepping stone to greatness.

On Charity- Dedicate your time to help causes that inspire you.  It will feed your soul and make you proud of yourself.

On Home- Keep clean and organized.  Clutter is a sign of chaos. A home should be your place for relaxation and peace.

On Health- Without health you have nothing. Exercise pumps those endorphins and can light you up. Eat well so you feel good.  There are consequences to everything you put in your body.

Looking back on this month, I know that I actually talk to my daughter now more than I did before she left.  She calls to ask me things. She calls just to say hi. She sends me photos. And best of all, we share HOW VERY MUCH WE TRULY MISS ONE ANOTHER. 

THE PRIDE, THE HAPPINESS, THE NEED TO VOMIT

As my daughter prepares to go away to Arizona, my emotions are soaring as if she were in my belly all over again…The pride, the happiness… the need to vomit. 

In just a few weeks she will be a graduate of our local community college.  Within a few weeks after that she will be in a new state, in a new home, in a new job and in a new school.

I wanted her to remain local.  With the mindset; you have a great home and a great job here.  Why not take advantage of what exists?

But my girl is determined for adventure.

Last month, to prepare for her upcoming change, she took a week long vacation to Arizona (where she will be going to school). 

She had 7 days to secure an apartment, find a job, tour her new campus and register for all of her classes.

Within the first three days of her trip all missions were accomplished.

A dream two-bed/two-bath, in a safe community that includes parking, pool, and tennis courts for $750 per month.

A job as the head of marketing for a chic boutique toy store in Scottsdale making the same income she was making in a similar position she has here in New York. She described the store as “exactly the kind of store” that she wants to own.

She also registered for all of her classes of choice, in what she called “the most magnificent campus” she has ever seen.

Long car rides alone seem to bring it all to the surface for me.  Any song from the 90’s reminds me of when she was a little girl.  How on her first day of school it was raining. How when she grew to just the right height, she would constantly hit her head on the parked car mirrors.  “How many times did I have to tell her to watch where she was going.”

Graduating from her current community college is already a milestone in our Latino family. 

Last night as I was driving home, Kleenex in hand, stinging from the double edge sword “she doesn’t need me anymore”…Just then, a phone call…it’s my daughter…She is crying. 

You should know, anytime my child calls me up crying, I assume it’s a car accident.  I am always calm because I am just happy that she is safe enough to make a phone call. 

It was a car accident, but she was not involved directly. She just witnessed a terrible accident.  A woman was hit by a car.  A hit and run.  The woman was thrown from the opposite side of the street to land directly in front of my daughter’s car.  My daughter--a witness, waiting to be questioned.  It would be hours before the crime scene investigators arrive to take pictures.  My daughters best friend was in the car with her, so she wasn’t alone…But she called me…because… she just wanted me to come over... just to be there for her.

The pride, the happiness, the angst. 

ELAINE DEL VALLE