A Mami's Interpretation

At 12—“Mami, how does this dress look?” Often translates to “Mom, you’re a good dresser and I know you wouldn’t let me leave the house looking stupid. Let’s face it, I need new clothes.”

At 16—“Mami, what do you think about Ben?” means “Mom, I respect the strength in your relationships and I really want to break curfew with someone you can approve of.”

At 19—“Mami, I need help with a paper?” equates to “Mom, you are so smart and without your help, I will probably get an F and waste the money you worked so hard to earn to pay for those college credits.”

Okay wise guys, even a well-behaved, and no malice, best-intentioned kid has been honing their manipulation skills from around birth.

But don’t you know, since that same time, we parents have understood the meaning of your every cry: From the high-pitched to the low groan. We know when you are full of - -it! And not just because we learned from you, but because we were you.

When you think you’re getting away with something, likely we are letting you.

Yes, College is a time for you to explore and find yourself, but it is also the time when you need to accept the full responsibility of your workload.  It (like us) is meant to prepare you for the world that awaits you.

So the answer, “So flattered that you think I am so smart... and I am. Do your own work.”—Translation: “I love you baby, I know you can do it. You are a strong Latina and you can conquer the world! I'll proofread it.” 

RAISING KIDS MEANS RAISING EXPECTATIONS

I sit at my country club, an exclusive Long Island golf club whose membership includes about 300 families...Of which I am the only Latina.

When one hears that another's kid is near graduation from high school, there is no hesitation in asking, "What College are they going to?"

It's what is expected. 

I hear people talk about the colleges they went to and what colleges their kids are either at, off to, or will be graduating from in the near future.  Not so much with pride, as matter of fact.  

I can't help but think back to my younger days in a land only about 30 miles from where I live now but an entire galaxy away...Where having a high school diploma was a coup and a steady blue collar job guaranteed you the neighborhood's utmost respect. Where two parent households were scarce and fathers that support their children were almost as hard to find as a male over the age of 25 that had not ever been arrested.

The differences of where I have been and where I sit today weigh on me as I realize that the circumstances still exist just 30 miles away.  So what is it that sets the worlds so far apart?

I believe it is expectation.

While all parents have hopes for their children, perhaps the challenge is in raising the expectation, thinking bigger and reaching higher. 

The other day, I was speaking to another member at the country club.  He is a neighbor of mine, who knows my daughter well from her work environment.  He is a toy manufacturer and she is a buyer at a boutique toy store.  He  commented on her excellent work ethic, enthusiasm and demeanor.  I thanked him with great pride and told him that she would be leaving to go away to college soon.  His response, "Well she really should be in college, after all."  

My eyes darted in disbelief and I wanted to say, "Que, Que?"

I felt offended that  he did not expect that my daughter was already in her second year of college, and just deciding to go away after her associates to complete a bachelors.  After all, that was always the plan.  Moreover, What kind of Mother did he think I was?  

Getting over what he thought of me, I corrected his expectation, "She works full time and goes to school full time.  Been doing it since High School.  It's where I set the bar, and she is well surpassing that."

So set the bar, reach high and REPRESENT! 

Signed, THE COUNTRY CLUB CHICA, Elaine Del Valle

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