WHAT HAPPENS IN VEGAS- LATINOS IN COLLEGE

My daughter's 21st Birthday... meant a weekend trip to Las Vegas!
I flew for 5 hours from NY while she drove for 5 hours from Arizona--An easy drive compared to the cross country road trip that bought her there just two months earlier.

The entire plane ride down I find strangers that I am bursting to share my joy with "It's my daughter's 21st birthday!"
Most of them respond, "I went to Vegas for my 21st".
I am shocked. Vegas is the kind of trip that I never dreamed of for my own 21st.  After all, by the time I was 21 my daughter was already 2.

Looking at the life that she has created for herself makes me so proud. Her bold choices, made possible by her confidence, and knowing that I always have her back.

Finally when I see her, it feels different...like she is my friend. I am starving, while she just ate...and still she wants to sit with me.  Like it's what she would rather do more than anything else.  And I feel fulfilled in a way that I cannot express...like she is someone I am just getting to know and like I respect her life as her life.

I can hear the maturity in her when she confides that she is very happy that she arrived to an away four year college with the experience of community college under her belt.  She is able to clearly see the immaturity of the younger women and their struggle to fit in.
She feels comfortable in who she is...A feeling I did not get to until I was 30--okay 37.

I was surprised and elated to hear that perhaps she misses home more than she expected to.

We marveled at Cirque Du Soleil Shows and I came to know that what happened in Vegas will not stay in Vegas, but instead with us forever.
And now suddenly all of our conversations have deeper meaning.  Even the texts that we exchange are ending in I LOVE YOU and THANK YOU (OMG).  Has someone taken my daughter's phone? Do I recognize this texter?

Oh yes. I think I do.  She is my Friend.  Someone I admire and respect. She is the girl I always wanted to be. She is my daughter. She is the future of me and the future of Latinas.

WHEN SHOPPING FOR POPTARTS ARE TRAUMATIC!- A DAUGHTER LEAVES FOR COLLEGE

A Daughter Leaves for College

By Elaine Del Valle- The Country Club Chica

It has been less than a month since the last time I held my daughter’s little face in my hands, but not a day has gone by that I do not think of her and exactly how she looked before she went away to college.

20 years of raising this girl and then poof, she is gone.

I suppose I am lucky that she accomplished her Associates degree locally and while living at home, before leaving to a 4 year out of state college.

Not that my daughter was home much at all. Her wings sprouted on the day I gave her the keys to the car.  When she wasn’t in school, she was mostly either working or with her boyfriend.  But somehow, I felt so BUMMED. So truly sad that I couldn’t see her face, visit her at work or just know that her shoes would be there (where they shouldn’t be) to drive me crazy.

Doing groceries for the first time after she had gone was TRAUMATIC!  I now cry at the sight of Strawberry Poptarts!

I have been having dreams of my puppy flying out of my window to chase flocks of geese, all the while I am screaming, “Come back, Come back. You don’t have wings.”

Now suddenly, I feel the need to purge: The need to tell her all of the life lessons that I learned through trials and tribulations.

On Love- To love is never a personal sacrifice; Never a compromise.  Loving should feel good.  If you do not like something about the person today than you’ll really hate it after you are married. If a man ever raises a hand to you—RUN, don’t walk! If they do it once, they’ll do it forever. 

On School- Don’t waste a credit.  Get through it and always look to your future. 

On Time- Time goes by quickly.  Look back to a time when you thought that you’d never get over what you were going through. That school year you felt would never be over, that first break up, when you felt like your skin was pulled off of your body and even the air hurt, and your heart would never mend. Realize that you have made it to the other side.  Consider all of your hardships as that. Never let them bring you down. Know that you will get over it.

On Girlfriends- I heard someone say “Ask a friend which dress you should wear and always wear the other one.”  Ask your mother what you should wear and trust that it is what looks best on you.

Your Mother is your best girlfriend.  She will never steer you wrong. Your success is her success.

On Partying- First and foremost, always be safe.  Bring a buddy and watch where you put your drinks.

On Drinking- DON’T DRINK AND DRIVE. Don’t be in a car whose driver has been drinking.

On Kids- Don’t have one until you are ready to forget about your own needs ENTIRELY. Diapers and feeding won’t be hard but it will be monotonous.  You will hunger for intelligent conversations and sleep. It’s this tiny little person you will fiercely protect in a way that you never thought possible.  You will crave for a dinner out with a “can’t wait to get away from the child for an hour” mentality, but later your need to get back won’t let you finish your dessert.

On Work- there should be a future in any position you take.  Whether it be owning the McDonalds you are currently flipping burgers for or running the firm whose mailroom you are just starting at…Always consider your positions a stepping stone to greatness.

On Charity- Dedicate your time to help causes that inspire you.  It will feed your soul and make you proud of yourself.

On Home- Keep clean and organized.  Clutter is a sign of chaos. A home should be your place for relaxation and peace.

On Health- Without health you have nothing. Exercise pumps those endorphins and can light you up. Eat well so you feel good.  There are consequences to everything you put in your body.

Looking back on this month, I know that I actually talk to my daughter now more than I did before she left.  She calls to ask me things. She calls just to say hi. She sends me photos. And best of all, we share HOW VERY MUCH WE TRULY MISS ONE ANOTHER. 

THE PRIDE, THE HAPPINESS, THE NEED TO VOMIT

As my daughter prepares to go away to Arizona, my emotions are soaring as if she were in my belly all over again…The pride, the happiness… the need to vomit. 

In just a few weeks she will be a graduate of our local community college.  Within a few weeks after that she will be in a new state, in a new home, in a new job and in a new school.

I wanted her to remain local.  With the mindset; you have a great home and a great job here.  Why not take advantage of what exists?

But my girl is determined for adventure.

Last month, to prepare for her upcoming change, she took a week long vacation to Arizona (where she will be going to school). 

She had 7 days to secure an apartment, find a job, tour her new campus and register for all of her classes.

Within the first three days of her trip all missions were accomplished.

A dream two-bed/two-bath, in a safe community that includes parking, pool, and tennis courts for $750 per month.

A job as the head of marketing for a chic boutique toy store in Scottsdale making the same income she was making in a similar position she has here in New York. She described the store as “exactly the kind of store” that she wants to own.

She also registered for all of her classes of choice, in what she called “the most magnificent campus” she has ever seen.

Long car rides alone seem to bring it all to the surface for me.  Any song from the 90’s reminds me of when she was a little girl.  How on her first day of school it was raining. How when she grew to just the right height, she would constantly hit her head on the parked car mirrors.  “How many times did I have to tell her to watch where she was going.”

Graduating from her current community college is already a milestone in our Latino family. 

Last night as I was driving home, Kleenex in hand, stinging from the double edge sword “she doesn’t need me anymore”…Just then, a phone call…it’s my daughter…She is crying. 

You should know, anytime my child calls me up crying, I assume it’s a car accident.  I am always calm because I am just happy that she is safe enough to make a phone call. 

It was a car accident, but she was not involved directly. She just witnessed a terrible accident.  A woman was hit by a car.  A hit and run.  The woman was thrown from the opposite side of the street to land directly in front of my daughter’s car.  My daughter--a witness, waiting to be questioned.  It would be hours before the crime scene investigators arrive to take pictures.  My daughters best friend was in the car with her, so she wasn’t alone…But she called me…because… she just wanted me to come over... just to be there for her.

The pride, the happiness, the angst. 

ELAINE DEL VALLE

A Mami's Interpretation

At 12—“Mami, how does this dress look?” Often translates to “Mom, you’re a good dresser and I know you wouldn’t let me leave the house looking stupid. Let’s face it, I need new clothes.”

At 16—“Mami, what do you think about Ben?” means “Mom, I respect the strength in your relationships and I really want to break curfew with someone you can approve of.”

At 19—“Mami, I need help with a paper?” equates to “Mom, you are so smart and without your help, I will probably get an F and waste the money you worked so hard to earn to pay for those college credits.”

Okay wise guys, even a well-behaved, and no malice, best-intentioned kid has been honing their manipulation skills from around birth.

But don’t you know, since that same time, we parents have understood the meaning of your every cry: From the high-pitched to the low groan. We know when you are full of - -it! And not just because we learned from you, but because we were you.

When you think you’re getting away with something, likely we are letting you.

Yes, College is a time for you to explore and find yourself, but it is also the time when you need to accept the full responsibility of your workload.  It (like us) is meant to prepare you for the world that awaits you.

So the answer, “So flattered that you think I am so smart... and I am. Do your own work.”—Translation: “I love you baby, I know you can do it. You are a strong Latina and you can conquer the world! I'll proofread it.” 

RAISING KIDS MEANS RAISING EXPECTATIONS

I sit at my country club, an exclusive Long Island golf club whose membership includes about 300 families...Of which I am the only Latina.

When one hears that another's kid is near graduation from high school, there is no hesitation in asking, "What College are they going to?"

It's what is expected. 

I hear people talk about the colleges they went to and what colleges their kids are either at, off to, or will be graduating from in the near future.  Not so much with pride, as matter of fact.  

I can't help but think back to my younger days in a land only about 30 miles from where I live now but an entire galaxy away...Where having a high school diploma was a coup and a steady blue collar job guaranteed you the neighborhood's utmost respect. Where two parent households were scarce and fathers that support their children were almost as hard to find as a male over the age of 25 that had not ever been arrested.

The differences of where I have been and where I sit today weigh on me as I realize that the circumstances still exist just 30 miles away.  So what is it that sets the worlds so far apart?

I believe it is expectation.

While all parents have hopes for their children, perhaps the challenge is in raising the expectation, thinking bigger and reaching higher. 

The other day, I was speaking to another member at the country club.  He is a neighbor of mine, who knows my daughter well from her work environment.  He is a toy manufacturer and she is a buyer at a boutique toy store.  He  commented on her excellent work ethic, enthusiasm and demeanor.  I thanked him with great pride and told him that she would be leaving to go away to college soon.  His response, "Well she really should be in college, after all."  

My eyes darted in disbelief and I wanted to say, "Que, Que?"

I felt offended that  he did not expect that my daughter was already in her second year of college, and just deciding to go away after her associates to complete a bachelors.  After all, that was always the plan.  Moreover, What kind of Mother did he think I was?  

Getting over what he thought of me, I corrected his expectation, "She works full time and goes to school full time.  Been doing it since High School.  It's where I set the bar, and she is well surpassing that."

So set the bar, reach high and REPRESENT! 

Signed, THE COUNTRY CLUB CHICA, Elaine Del Valle

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